The Kentucky Derpy

John: Hello, and welcome to the kentucky derby! I'm John Smith, here with Bob Jones to discuss the race! Hi Bob!
　
Bob: Hi John.
　
John: So tell us, Bob, what exactly is the kentucky derby, and why are people so hyped about it?
　
Bob: Well John, the kentucky derby is a horse race.
　
John: Amazing! Now tell us, Bob, what exactly is a "horse race"?
　
Bob: Well John, it's a race where a bunch of horses ride around in a circle and whoever gets to the finish line first wins.
　
John: That's fascinating, Bob! Now Bob, what are the "jockeys" in this race?
　
Bob: They're the guys on top of the horses, John.
　
John: Thanks, Bob! And now, what are those numbers next to the horses?
　
Bob: They're the odds.
　
John: And what might those be, bob?
　
Bob: They say how much people think each horse will win. People bet on the horses.
　
John: I guess that's why they don't call them "evens", haha! And for all those watching at home, you might be wondering what the winner will get, huh Bob?
　
Bob: Probably.
　
John: Yes, the winner of this race is going to recieve one million dollars, which is likely more than you all watching at home will make in your whole life, haha!
　
Bob: Yep.
　
John: Now, Bob, why exactly are there jockeys on top of the horses?
　
Bob: They tell the horse where to go so they don't end up going the wrong way.
　
John: That would be annoying, huh Bob? Haha!
　
Bob: Yep.
　
John: So why are we giving the money to the jockeys instead of the horses, seeing as they do all the work?
　
Bob: Because horses don't use money.
　
John: They'd probably try to eat it, haha Bob!
　
Bob: Yep.
　
John: Alright, now we see the horses going to the gate!
　
Bob: Yep.
　
John: Now, you all watching at home might be wondering why we don't just start at the beginning of the race, right Bob?
　
Bob: Probably.
　
John: Well Bob, it's because now we get an exciting chance to review each horse in detail!
　
Bob: Oh joy.
　
John: Alright, we have a horse here! It's brown!
　
Horse:...
　
John: Yes, this horse is indeed excited about this race!
　
Bob: He's going the wrong way.
　
John: On to the next horse! This horse has a unique name and equally unique backstory, just like all the other horses!
　
Bob: At least this one's going the right way.
　
John: And now, the horses are going to the starting gate!
　
Bob: Except for the one going the wrong way. oh, and the one the jockey just fell off of.
　
John: And here's the countdown! 3...2...1...and they're off!
　
Bob: Yep.
　
John: And we have a bunch of horses running around in circles, one of them's going to win, but we don't know which one it is! This is exciting!
　
Bob: yep.
　
John: And one horse is in the lead! Right behind it is another horse, with yet another in third place! They're running... they're running... whoah, they're still running! Bet you didn't see that coming, huh Bob?
　
Bob:...
　
John: They're turning... still turning... and look! One of them is in the lead! Wow! This is exciting!
　
Bob: You're overdoing it, John.
　
John: Thanks, Bob! And they're into the home stretch! One of them is in the lead! A bunch of them are behind it! And one just passed them in the opposite direction being closely pursued by it's jockey!
　
Bob: (facepalm)
　
John: And they're at the 30! The 20! The 10! The five! The one! The 30!
　
Bob: You already said 30.
　
John: This time it's millimeters! The 20! The 10! The 1! The zero! And look! One of the horses won! Amazing!
　
Bob: Bet no one saw that coming.
　
John: Yep! And now, everyone forgets about this race and begins hype for the preakness, where what'shisname will attempt a triple crown victory! Stay tuned!
　
Bob: Actually, don't. For your own sanity.