Minecraft 1.13 Update Changelog

Minecraft 1.13 was just released, bringing with it a completely new world generation engine, tons of new mobs and blocks, and the deterioration of Jeb's grammar skills. Named the "Update Aquatic", caused Jeb to start speaking like yoda it has.


Two new variants of air block have been added, cave air and void air. Both are exactly the same as normal air, and were added solely to increase the game's complexity for no reason.


A new type of ice has been added, spawning rumors that Jeb is secretly being sponsored by ice companies. In a recent interview, Jeb fervently denied this, while coincidentally announcing the completely unrelated addition of iced potions, ice water bottles, and iced milk. "Ice™®©, by the way, is a delicious way to spice up any drink," Jeb remarked as he sipped his cool, refreshing, ice water.


Underwater bubble columns were added, with the ones produced by magma blocks pulling things downward and the ones produced by soul sand pushing things upward, because that makes sense. This change has led many to speculate that Jeb has never actually been outside.


Conduit blocks were added, which are crafted with nautilus shells, attack hostile mobs, and gives nearby players the "Conduit Power" status effect, which prevents players from drowning, gives underwater night vision, and increases mining speed, because putting electrical things in water does that. This was added in response to allegations that Jeb couldn't come up with any more random things which made no sense than he already had, prompting him to reply "Hold my iced beer," shortly before he announced the addition.

Coral blocks were added, along with coral fans, which follow the coral blocks around asking for screenies.

Kelp and seagrass were added, bringing with them lots of health benefits a unique(read: ugly) animated texture that makes players nauseous when they look at it.


Sea pickles were added, fueling speculation that Jeb is pregnant.


Bark blocks were finally made craftable after a short 7 year period of being in the game, but unobtainable.


Tridents were added, which function completely different from the gum.


Dolphins were added, and, like many additions in this update, give players a status effect, due to complaints that the UI wasn't cluttered enough.


A new undead mob, Drowned, was added. Amazingly, they're a unique mob with their own spawn egg rather than another variant of zombies, proving Jeb still knows how to make those.


Fish were added, although for some reason fishing still fabricates fish from the void rather than catching the mobs.


Turtles were added, which drop seagrass, because obviously that is what turtles are made of.


A new world type, buffet, was added. This causes the world to consist entirely of food blocks, except cake, because Jeb doesn't like lying.


New enchantments:
Channeling: Used on tridents to make them spawn lightning when thrown at an enemy.
Impaling: Used on tridents to make them deal more damage to aquatic mobs, i mean, mobs aquatic, despite the fact that we already have no less than 7 different enchantments whose sole purpose is to deal extra damage.
Sharpness But On A Wooden Sword: Increases damage of wooden swords.
Sharpness But On A Stone Sword: Increases damage of stone swords.
Sharpness But On An Iron- you get the idea.
Other sharpness enchantments:
Sharpness When It's 5 O Clock In Real Life
Sharpness But Only If You're Wearing A Red Shirt
Sharpness If You Have Seeds In Your Inventory
Sharpness But Only On Items With A J In Their Name
Riptide: Used on tridents to make them turn into pens when not in use.
Loyalty: Used on tridents to make them trust their user more, allowing you to keep them as pets. They are fed with trident food and can be bred with Anvils.


Chests and trapped chests can now be placed next to double chests, causing players everywhere to weep in joy, and then just weep, as they remember that this should have been in the game roughly 8 years ago.


Silk touch can no longer allow players to collect silverfish eggs, due to players complaining that the enchantment was "too useful".


Zombies, skeletons, ocelots, and wolves will seek out turtles and turtle eggs and destroy them, prompting PETA to boycott minecraft. In an interview, Jeb was asked if this was because he secretly hates turtles. He responded "Of course not, i love the little pieces of garba- i mean adorable sea creatures."


Customized world types were removed after accusations that they were "racist".


As usual, development of 1.14 is already underway, as well as 1.15 and 1.16 being in the planning sessions. Jeb has stated that Minecraft will continue updating until after Elder Scrolls 6, Cube World, and Half Life 3 have been released, although not necessarily immediately after.