Friday, September 22, 2023

Hell is other yogurt

I had an out of body experience recently.
Specifically, there was something that I wanted to get out of my body.

Now, I like yogurt. I always have. And recently, I found a new brand of yogurt that is absolutely awesome. Yoplait, specifically the tall, thin, round ones. Raspberry, vanilla, blueberry, they're all delicious.
ALMOST all of them.
So when I told my mom I liked them, she decided to get more, which was great. However, she also threw in two unique flavors: Boston cream pie and cookies and cream.
Now, if you don't know much about yogurt, 99% of it is flavored like fruit. I think it's legally required in most states. The only exception is vanilla, which might actually count as a fruit, I don't know and I don't care enough to look it up.

Anyway, neither boston cream pie nor cookies and cream are traditional yogurt flavors. It's like marmite flavored doritos, or chocolate jelly.

So I tried them.

And immediately lost the will to live.

The flavors were allegedly boston cream pie and cookies and cream, but it ended up more like boston COW pie and cookies and SCREAM. This was the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life, and that's not hyperbole. I literally cannot remember tasting anything that even comes close to tasting this bad. It was like all my tastebuds were being stabbed by satan himself. If suicidal depression was a flavor, this is what it would taste like, although I suspect the depression would actually be a bit better.

All I did was lick the lid and immediately regretted it. These yogurts tasted like they had gone bad. Twice. Like, they went bad, and then whatever caused them to go bad went bad. I literally drank orange juice and brushed my teeth because it was THAT BAD. I literally had an existential crisis a few days before and the yogurt was still the worst part of my week. It wasn't even close.

This yogurt was SOOOO bad...

Audience: HOW BAD WAS IT?

This yogurt was so bad it's banned by the geneva convention!
(canned laughter)
This yogurt was so bad it's banned in 57 countries!
(more canned laughter)
This yogurt was so bad they pulled it from the menu in hell because it was considered too inhumane!
(yet more canned laughter)
This yogurt was so bad I'd lick a public toilet to get the taste out of my mouth!
(canned laughter quickly cut off by sounds of disgust)

To drive my point home further, I'm going to call this yogurt gross in 12 different languages.

Super gross(english)
とてもすごくまずいよ/Totemo sugoku mazui yo(japanese)
Bruto/bruta(spanish)
إجمالي/'iijmaliun(arabic)
总的/總的/Zǒng de(chinese)
역겨운/yeoggyeoun(korean)
דוחה(arabic, no transliteration available)
Gröblich(german)
សរុប/saroub(khmer)
सकल(sanskrit, no transliteration available)
စုစုပေါင်း/hcuhcupaungg(myanmar[burmese], symbols don't work)
gruamach(scots gaelic)

Even after only licking the lids, drinking orange juice, brushing my teeth, and eating a bowl of chips, I still couldn't get the taste out of my mouth. The only thing that worked was literally washing my mouth out with soap. And even after that, the taste lingered in my memory for several days afterward and I gagged every time I thought of it.

Words fail to describe how bad this yogurt tasted. God stays in heaven because he's afraid of this yogurt. Someday, humanity will have to pay for it's sins, and this yogurt is at the top of the list. Pray you never have the misfortune to stumble across this yogurt. If someone forced me to choose between eating this yogurt and blowing up an orphanage, I'm sure the orphans would understand.

You know how in H.P Lovecraft's books, people are driven mad by knowledge man was not meant to know? This is probably what that tastes like. You will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the yogurt touches your lips. Part of my soul died that day, and I will never get it back.

...Did I mention it was gross?

Thursday, July 20, 2023

The Quintessential Quintuplets Anime Review

One of my favorite animes is called The Quintessential Quintuplets(japanese version: Gotoubun no Hanayome, or Seven Equal Brides). I liked it so much I watched it twice and read the manga, something I've only done for one other anime, Spy x Family. So I decided to write a review of it.

Warning: This review will contain full spoilers of the plot, including the ending.

The basic plot of The Quintessential Quintuplets centers around Fuutarou Uesugi, a poor high school student trying to help provide for his family. He ends up getting hired to tutor five identical quintuplets by their rich father, but they don't want him there. The basic story structure from here involves Fuutarou getting the quintuplets to warm up to him, as well as improving their grades.

To start out with, the show is a super fun, sweet, funny, romance anime, and the atmosphere and music are fantastic. I love the characters(with one notable exception I will mention later), and overall it's just plain fun and makes me happy.

That said, it does have some flaws. Let's talk about them.
First, it's too short. Now I don't just mean I want more of it, although that is also true, but it felt like everything was moving too fast. They say that when you're writing something, whether that be a book, movie, tv show, or whatever, every scene should further the plot. Well, Quintessential Quintuplets does this, and the end result is that it makes it feel rushed and too short. Something that furthers the plot happens in every episode, and it makes everything move faster than feels realistic as well as faster than is enjoyable. Of all things, this is one show that could actually use some filler episodes, as it would give us more time to get to know the characters, enjoy the world, and just enjoy the show as a whole.

The manga has the same problem, although there are a few scenes in the manga that weren't in the anime(which I heard will be fixed, more on that later) which both gave more context and more characterization.

The second flaw is the fanservice. For most of the show, there's little to no fanservice, but there's a couple sections where there's a massive amount: Specifically, the hot springs scene when they're on the way to the camping trip, and pretty much the whole scrambled eggs arc in season two. So if you don't like fanservice, maybe skip this one, it gets pretty heavy at points.

Those are the main issues with the story, so now lets go over the characters!

Fuutarou: The protagonist. Is obsessed with studying, to the point of ignoring pretty much everything else in life that isn't mandatory. Actually inspired me to study more!

Ichika: The oldest quintuplet. Friendly and a bit flirty. Ends up being a bit problematic later on.

Nino: The second oldest quintuplet and my least favorite. Classic tsundere, with a little extra helping of jerk thrown in.

Miku: The middle quintuplet and objectively the best one. Shy, kind, and sweet, she's a great underdog to root for and the first one to exhibit feelings for Fuutaro.

Yotsuba: High-energy and athletic(although the least intelligent of the bunch), Yotsuba is a classic genki girl. Very friendly and cheerful. Good character.

Itsuki: Youngest of the quintuplets, and the first one we meet. Doesn't get enough screen time, but still good anyway.

Raiha: Fuutarou's adorable little sister. Everyone loves her, in-universe and out.

With all the characters introduced, let's go over them in more detail, including their character arcs.

Ichika wants to be an actress, and ends up achieving that goal. there's not much to say about her except for what happens in season 2.
In season 2, Ichika pretends to be Miku and tells Fuutaro "Ichika likes you. I think you'd make a good couple." Which confuses Fuutarou as by this point he's probably figured out Miku likes him. This is dishonest, and made a lot of people end up understandably not liking Ichika, including myself. However, it was just one time and she didn't plan it out, it was more of a spur of the moment thing(for context, she was tired of people fangirling over her because of her acting career, so she dressed up as Miku to avoid them. Fuutarou ends up running into her, and she does the thing. Not great, but still not super terrible). Then she does it again. Twice. After being caught in the act.

Either she's a bit stupid or just super desperate, but either way it's not a good look for the character. This, combined with the reveal that she was a bit of a bully when they were younger, drove pretty much everyone away from Ichika. From a storytelling point of view, I don't like this behavior, as it basically removed her from the pool of characters the audience would root for, and ideally for a harem anime, all the characters should be roughly equal by the end, except for personal preference. Because of this, she's my least favorite quint behind Nino.
Speaking of Nino...

(Deep breath)

Nino is by far my least favorite character. Including Ichika. If Fuutarou had ended up with Nino, I'd have been angrier than if he ended up with Ichika. And yet, she's tied for most popular quint with Miku. To understand this, we'll need to go over her character arc.
At the beginning of the anime, Nino is by far the most antagonistic towards Fuutarou. All the quints except for Ichika and Yotsuba start out disliking him for various reasons, but Nino flat out hates him. To her, him tutoring her sisters amounts to intruding on their way of life and damaging their relationship, and she will stop at nothing to get him to give up. This includes drugging him(which I'm pretty sure is illegal even in Japan). Twice.

This unreasonable hatred for someone who's just trying to help them and do his job is the reason I don't like her. Her actions just aren't justified. Let's go over her list of crimes:

1. Intentionally sabotaging her sisters' study sessions, jeopardizing their grades just because she hates Fuutarou.
2. Literally drugging him to get him to leave.
3. Twice.
4. The first time he shows up.
5. Being a jerk to her sisters despite her claims of attacking Fuutarou because she cares for them.
6. Acting entitled to Fuutarou's affections once she decides she likes him(spoiled brat syndrome).
7. Dismissing the effort Fuutarou is putting into tutoring the quintuplets.
8. Basically gloating to Miku after Miku has just been through an embarrassing and traumatic experience.
9. Did I mention she literally drugged him?
10. Twice?

Let me elaborate.
First, she intentionally disrupts their study sessions multiple times, for no other reason than "I don't like Fuutarou". Then she drugs him, once to get him to leave, and twice because she's mad at him for(unintentionally) lying to her. She's also constantly fighting with her sisters and being a jerk to them.
After she decides she likes Fuutarou, she absolutely refuses to leave him alone, even after he's already chosen someone else. There's a scene where It's explicitly revealed to Fuutarou, that Miku likes him, which coincides with Ichika getting caught pretending to be Miku. Miku is understandably upset, and runs away to cry. Nino then berates Ichika, saying that she(Nino) would want to be happy for whoever Fuutarou chooses and acting holier-than-thou. Immediately afterwards, she basically gloats to Miku(who is currently very upset) saying, basically, "Well hey, this is good news for me because you're basically out of the competition now. Later, loser."

That moment made me hate her more than Ichika.

Much later on, after Fuutarou chooses Yotsuba, Nino flat out says she'll steal him from her if she gets the chance.
"I'd be happy for whoever he chose because I care about my sisters," eh?
Before this, when they're deciding on what groups they're going to be in on the school trip, she demands to be put in a group alone with Fuutarou, saying he should be grateful he gets to spend time with her. Real charming there, Nino.

The only redeeming moment she has is basically lying to their dad so he won't fire Fuutarou, which, while being nice, feels like it came out of the blue, as she's shown nothing but hatred for him up to this point.

I genuinely don't understand why everyone loves Nino. She just changes from being a jerk that hates Fuutarou to a jerk that likes him. Even Ichika felt bad after pretending to be Miku, and even supported her before she realized she also liked Fuutarou. Plus, Ichika is pleasant and friendly outside of the whole lying bit, while Nino is just plain mean all the time.

If you're interested, the reason she realizes she likes Fuutarou is because she developed a crush on him after mistaking him for someone else, and then, once she realized it was Fuutarou, she decided she didn't hate him anymore. It would be a good character arc if she wasn't so unpleasant.

But I've complained about Nino enough for now. Let's get to my favorite character: Miku

Miku is best girl. She's shy, kind, sweet, and just plain a good character. She's one of the first ones to accept Fuutarou, and the first one to develop feelings for him. Ichika and Yotsuba even encourage her in this before they realize they like Fuutarou too.
Her character arc basically involves her increasing her self-esteem and learning to be more confident in herself. By far, she has the best character arc in the series, and she also gets the most screen time, which is probably one of the main reasons why everyone(including me) loves her so much.
There's not much else to say about her. She's just plain good. She starts out feeling like she's not good enough for Fuutarou, but eventually accepts her feelings for him. She also goes from being terrible at cooking to good at it, even running a bakery in the end. Although that's more of a secondary arc, it's actually pretty symbolic of her arc in general, and works well.
From a narrative point of view, it makes the most sense for Miku to end up with Fuutarou, as she gets the most screen time, is the first one to fall for him, has the best and most in-depth character arc, and is practially the main character. If I remember correctly, the manga author said she kind of got away from him while he was writing, and boy, does it show.
To summarize, let's just say there's a reason so many people love her.

Next up is Yotsuba. She's the one Fuutarou ends up choosing at the end, and it's also eventually revealed that she was the one he met when they were kids.
Side note, I really don't like how the author pulled the whole "childhood friend" card. It felt like a cheap way of pushing Yotsuba forward without giving her enough characterization.
Yotsuba and Itsuki get the least screen time of any the quints, which kinda sucks given that she's the one he ends up choosing. We barely get to know anything about her until right before he chooses her, making it feel forced, like the author realized "Oh crap, I need to give her some characterization!"
Like I said, this show could have used a good few filler episodes to show more of the characters' inner thoughts and feelings and let us get to know them better. Yotsuba in particular suffers from this.
Fuutarou's reasoning for choosing her is that she liked him from the start and was always there for him, which sort of makes sense, but it feels like flimsy reasoning when she barely got any screen time and the time she did get felt forced and shoehorned in.
Overall she's my third favorite after Itsuki.

Speaking of which, Itsuki. She gets a fair amount of screen time at the beginning, even being the first quint Fuutarou meets, but then basically disappears for a while. Next to Miku, I think she's the best one to put Fuutarou with, as they had quite a few moments together, such as going to the arcade with Raiha, Itsuki staying over at his house during her fight with Nino, and, uh... That's kind of it. The fact that she's still my second favorite despite having almost no screen time just goes to show how much Miku overshadowed the rest of the characters. Still, I think her personality fits Fuutarou's well, but unfortunately she seems to be the one that's least interested in him. It's like the author forgot about her until the end and then realized "Wait, I forgot to make her like him".

Fun fact: Each of the quintuplets is named based on the order they were born in.

Ichika was born first, and ichi means one in japanese.

Nino was born second, and ni means two in japanese.

Miku was born third, and mikka means the third day of the month in japanese.

Yotsuba was born fourth, and yottsu means four things in japanese.

Itsuki was born fifth, and itsuka means the fifth day of the month in japanese.

So their mom had quintuplets and literally named them "one two three four five". Pretty funny!

So my ranking of the quintuplets goes as follows:
1. Miku(duh)
2. Itsuki
3. Yotsuba(would be Ichika if it weren't for the whole lying thing)
4. Ichika
5. Nino

To summarize, the show is a great romance/harem anime that just plain makes me happy, although it has too much fanservice, a couple unlikeable characters, it's too short and rushed, and the ending left much to be desired.

There were quite a few scenes that were in the manga but not the anime, but I hear they're making a few new episodes based off of those, which I'm looking forward to.

It also does the classic romance/comedy anime thing of being lighthearted and fun at first, and then becoming heart-wrenching and emotional at the end. I don't know why so many animes do this. They're good, but my heart can only take so much.

Overall I'd rate it an 8/10, very good, but still plenty of room for improvement.

Monday, February 13, 2023

Disability is bad, and I'm tired of pretending it's not

Read carefully.

Disability is bad.
I am NOT saying people with disabilities are bad people, I'm saying that THE DISABILITIES THEMSELVES ARE BAD BECAUSE THEY HURT THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEM.
When people hear someone say "disability is bad" they immediately assume the person saying it is attacking disabled people themselves, because apparently the only definition of 'bad' they know is 'evil/immoral/devalued on a personal level'.

Injuries are bad. That is not a controversial statement. Why are they bad? Because they hurt the people who have them. Sicknesses are bad. Chronic health conditions are bad. And yet when someone wears a shirt that says "frick cancer" they never interpret it as "frick people with cancer".
This is not complicated, and yet I see so many people thinking they're being soooo accepting of disabled people by valuing the disability higher than the person who has it.

If someone has cancer, or an autoimmune disorder, or a disease, or a physical or mental disability, that's a bad thing. It makes life harder for them. It's literally in the name, it DISABLES your ABILITY to do things, like socialize, or see, or breathe.

I have autism, and from personal experience i can tell you that it sucks. It is objectively a bad thing that has caused me and tons of other people untold amounts of misery and suffering. That's why I want a cure for it. And yet, there's people out there that can't be bothered to think about this for two seconds who say "oH, yOu hATe AuTiStic pEOplE????" because they can't seem to grasp the concept that people are separate from the disabilities they have.

Heck, there's even autistic people who don't want a cure for autism! And while it's great that they aren't bothered by having it, that doesn't mean they get to decide for the entire autistic community what's best for them.
If a cure for autism was created, it should be voluntary. So the people with stockholm syndrome for their mental issues can ignore it, and the people like me, who hate it because it's made their lives a living hell for years, can take advantage of it. Some people have expressed the worry that the cure would be mandated, but that's more of a conversation about government overreach and totalitarianism, which is a separate issue.

I think the reason there are so many autistic people that don't want a cure is because they have made autism a part of their personality, and without it, they feel like just a boring normal person, like they're losing something that makes them unique. Which, yeah, it does, but by making you uniquely miserable, which is a bad thing. When I started becoming less shy and actually talking to people more, I felt a weird kind of worry that I was losing part of myself, the part that made me so shy and timid around others. And yeah, I was, but that was a good thing because it made me able to do more things, like make friends. My personality didn't change, as some people fear theirs would were their autism to be cured, I was just loosing one of the many shackles on my mind that restricted my freedom.

I'll end with this post that describes my feelings pretty well.